Selections from The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord:
7. When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought I’ll shoot him then say “No.” 15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation. 52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about. 87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them. 99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.